Shared grief may lead to new resilience.

Wellbeing
10 August 2020 |  5 min read 

 

Robin Bailey is familiar with grief.

She has tragically lost three men in her life, starting with her father when she was just 11. Her first husband, Tony Smart, took his own life in 2014. Her second husband and “absolute soulmate” Sean Pickwell died of liver cancer in September 2019, cruelly just six days after Ms Bailey left her Triple M breakfast show to spend more time with him.

Back on radio in 2020 with Brisbane’s 97.3, Ms Bailey has tapped a deep well of resilience to roll into a new chapter of her life.

It is a phase she said she expected may be increasingly characterised by compassion and connectedness as a side effect of the COVID-19 pandemic.

Ms Bailey recently hosted QSuper’s live online She’s on Q panel event, which focused on resilience and the new working world, and tackled topics such as resilience at work; innovations evolving from the COVID-19 lockdown, and tips to navigate ‘the new normal’.

Ms Bailey told QSuper while many businesses may be developing a new understanding of “business as usual”, she felt workplaces may also be impacted by a new understanding and experience of grief.

“When the pandemic started, when people were losing jobs and therefore their ability to pay their mortgages, and losing their freedom, or losing their ability to connect with their loved ones, grief became the shared experience.

“Grief is attached to a lot of moments – when things end, when things change. All of those things can be really painful for people and, certainly in my world, I found a lot more compassion for people who are going through something that is greater than them.”

How to choose compassion

Shared experience contributed to greater understanding, she said.

“When you go to a place that is really desperate and really awful and almost every breath is difficult because you are feeling so overwhelmed and in so much pain that it is almost an outer body experience, when you come out of that you have empathy for anyone else who may be going through the same thing.”

Ms Bailey said, despite the monumental lows she experienced, she found lightness and strength in supporting others and sharing experiences and stories.

“I’ve been walked from jobs two or three times in my career, and I used to think that was the worst thing that could ever happen to me. I was wrong,” she said.

One way to change a low mood was to help someone else, she said. Even simple measures could make a difference.

“I defy anyone to not feel better about going and doing something for someone.

“It could just be a situation where you see a work colleague being a bit flat and simply asking if they are OK or if you can offer to grab them a coffee. Sometimes it might just be a compliment. That makes you feel good, it makes them feel good. It can be that simple. In my experience it has helped me a lot.”

How to find resilience

Ms Bailey said resilience may be a choice for both individuals and businesses in a world shaken by the uncertainties of COVID-19.

“We all have a choice to get caught up in the stress of something or take a breath and decide how you want to behave in this moment,” she said.

For some businesses, that choice included doing everything they could to hold on to staff and remain open and communicative to build resilience and connectedness, she said.

Building resilience and connections may help some workplaces move forward and even transform, she said.

“I think what happens in business is that people feel like they have to behave a certain way.

“What the pandemic has given us is the realisation that what you see from someone may not be all that’s going on for them.”

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Personal view disclaimer
The opinions expressed by Robin Bailey are hers alone, and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the QSuper Board. No responsibility is taken for the accuracy of any of the information supplied and you should seek advice for your circumstances.